When you find someone who makes you laugh, smile, grow, lust, want, crave, and feel all at once, keep that. That’s euphoria.
I have always set myself on fire to keep other people warm. Once I have burnt out and they walk away warm, I usually have a tough time getting back up. I use all of my energy to make others happy, but what about myself? Am I truly happy? Well, I wouldn’t know. What does true happiness feel like?
Everything has changed in these past few weeks, and for some odd reason, I have never felt more like myself.
But, I have been withdrawn from worldliness. Do I believe in heaven or hell? I am not sure. I do know that I don’t know which one I would belong to if I was to believe. But does that have anything to do with happiness? Where we end up in the end? Or is it just focusing on the now and hoping that whatever I do in the now will further me in my nirvana-hopeful mind.
And somehow, through all of that, paradise isn’t a place; but a feeling.
And what I have realized, is that life is worth so much more than worrying over whether someone likes you, whether they want you, and being sad over when someone doesn’t. There is so much more to life, without hoping someone will fall in love with you along the way. Thing’s just happen, and it doesn’t need to be painful or cause unhappiness, but most importantly, it doesn’t need to be empty. Get out. Go on adventures. Fall deeply in love with your best friend. Enjoy the now, and do all things with love, but with out the romanticization. Just live for yourself, and your life will fill with loving people, romantics, and it definitely won’t be any less beautiful.
Loving people doesn’t come naturally for me. But, somehow, I love so incredibly deeply when I do.
My best friend and I say I love you a lot. But, I love her more. Not in the way that I love her more than she loves me, but how I love her more than the bad days we have gone through in our past, and the bad days coming up in our future. I love her more than any fight we will ever have, or the distance that they put between us. I love her more than any bump in the road. I love her more.
When I say I hope you get home safe, or if you ate anything, or to stay warm and sleep well, I am really saying that I love you. I just happen to love you so damn much that “I love you” Is taking on different meanings and words. Crazy, right? Everything is not what it seems.
But I guess optimism is just a choice.
And somehow, the most beautiful of things in life just happen to not be things, but people, and places, and memories, and moments.
Happiness is not a checklist or a to-do list. It is your dream job, your life with the person you love so incredibly much, and how you have effected people. Its the dogs, and then home you have created, and the smile across your face at the end of the day.We only rise to happiness by lifting up others, and sometimes, getting knocked down doing so just means you can stand up taller and rise with them.
I just woke up and realized that I didn’t have to feel like this anymore. I changed, and who knows if I will fall back into the dark places I was in prior to my miraculous wake up call, but I am willing to take that chance.
And no matter how you feel when you wake up in the morning, get up and get dressed and face the world like it’s the last day of your life. Never, ever give up, because I truly believe that nothing is impossible.
I think you should go for it.
(Written in April)
"Our shoes are tattered and torn, but our feet are dry. As for our places in history, we will run naked through your streets before we sit decorated in your halls."